“You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.” – Nietzsche
“Go to the deepest darkest place you can permit yourself to be and see if you can find a little light up in the top right corner?”
Yes, I saw that little light. For years, I thought that light was something by the name of resilience. What I didn’t know was that the light was really joy. How could joy exist in this extraordinarily dark moment? How could joy be present in this awful and terrible time?
It’s hard to forget what that moment felt like. Everything was completely black, the darkest black you could ever imagine. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a table that has been lacquered thousands upon thousands of times, but the blackness seems to be endless. This time in my life felt exactly like one of those tables and I didn’t really understand how light and dark could both exist at the same time.
That light was always there, I just wasn’t looking for it back then.
The idea of even going back to this place of darkness to explore what is there isn’t very comforting. That’s a place of pain, of sorrow, and of misfortune. But it’s also a place where I could learn a whole lot about life and the lesson I’m supposed to be taught. It’s a place where if I bring some light in, I could illuminate all of my fears and see them for what they actually are.
If I could bring light into this place and let my compassion follow as well, there’s no amount of healing that couldn’t be accomplished. I could heal the wounds of old times that have been requesting my attention. I could live a life that was out of love instead of in fear. That would change everything.
Into the depths we dive.
Lantern in hand.